Sick and Complaining

I haven't posted this week for a good reason (I think) -- I have been sick. Ugh. No fun. I only took Monday off work, but still needed to rest the following days too.

When I get sick, it's rarely a little head cold and I'm perfect the next day. I might be functioning the next day, but because of my allergies and asthma, all the symptoms seem to linger a bit longer. So even though I'm feeling better right now, I am sort of afraid to go for a run today because my chest is a little tight. But of course I haven't run all week. I would like to run.

I promise to update more later!

Friday Five: This Summer I Will _______

OK I'm going try out this Friday Five linky page fun times that Eat Pray Run DC is hosting.

Here we go. This summer I will:

1. Become an aunt. My sister is pregnant with her baby and is due at the end of July. I haven't been around babies much so this will all be very new. Exciting!

2. Say goodbye to my 20s. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I'm turning 30 this August. I'm surprisingly looking forward to this milestone. I'll have an excuse to stay in more and knit, right?? Isn't that how it goes...?

3. Train for my first marathon. If all goes as planned, I will run a marathon in the fall, which means training starts soon. I haven't figured out the logistics yet or which race even, but I am committed at making this happen.

4. Eating farm share meals. My boyfriend and I got a farm share for the second time this summer. We got rhubarb in our first share so it's already off to a good start.

5. Move in with my boyfriend. Soon we will be sharing more than a CSA box. I'm looking forward seeing his face every day and also taking advantage of his foot rubs.

Have a great weekend!

Showcase Summary: Be Nicer to Yourself

Well, it's over! My class had our showcase on Sunday and it went very well. We just had a lot of fun, got plenty of laughs, and even used some inside jokes.

Some thoughts on the show:

• I felt the best when I initiated a scene. I only initiated one. I used something said in a monologue in a unique way and it created a fun scene with characters, a setting, and game.
  
• In that scene I also walked through a "table" - that I created myself. I mimed putting a book on a table and later walked right through it. Doh. No excuse for that. I certainly need to work on that.
  
• The lesson from class I applied the most was high status vs. low status characters. I played a boss, an employee, and a creepy onlooker and tried to keep mind how those characters would act based on status. I'm not saying I applied it well – I'm just saying it was on my mind.
  
• I was hesitant to invite my friends to the show and as I was walking to the theater, I knew it was a mistake. I usually invite many friends and coworkers and knowing that members of the audience are on my side gives me more confidence. Lesson learned!
  

Truthfully, I've been beating myself up about the show a little bit. I tend to overanalyze every moment after a showcase and this was the worst overanalyzing spree for me. I just want very much to be good at improv, but I won't get better if I doubt myself. I was reading Will Hines' awesome blog today, Improv Nonsense, and his response to this question resonated with me:

"It's that you're judging yourself so harshly, that's what's killing you. You want to be able to know exactly how well you're doing, and there's no way to know, and so you're condemning yourself just for the certainty of the condemnation. Listen to your coach/teacher, even the audience, instead of your worries. You don't know if you're yessing/not anding. If it were that simple you'd do it. You're doubting and fearing. It's very common to do this. You've got to be nicer to yourself, give yourself the benefit of the doubt and assume that someone will tell you when you're off and that you are good enough that you will notice when someone is telling you. It's all gonna be okay!"

Such good advice and certainly relevant for me! I gotta give myself some slack and "let it go" as the ever wise Queen Elsa would say.

So a good show all in all, but next time I will be kinder to myself, especially afterward.

Expect the Best

I have a tendency to expect the worst. I'm sure I'm not sure alone in this, right? I guess I'm afraid of being disappointed or disappointing others or living in some type of happy, sunny delusion when the reality is sad and stormy and bleak. 

I definitely expected the worst going into my last improv class of this term (which was last week). As I mentioned in my previous post, I had been feeling like an improv fraud and a sensitive, whiny fraud to boot. I was not looking forward to this last class and my instructor's promise of individual feedback.

Normally, I love individual feedback – possibly because I love talking about myself. But this time I was tired from the Cleveland half, a long day at work, and my lingering bad attitude from the previous week. (It's exhausting maintaining a bad mood. I would avoid it if I were you). 

I expected the worst feedback. I thought my instructor was going to tell me that I fight too much in scenes, that I'm too shy, or that I do the same character all the time. I prepared for my improv soul to be crushed under the chants of "you're not good enough."

Instead, his feedback empowered me and maybe it has even renewed my commitment for improv. I don't want to get into the specifics, but it gave me confidence and that's what I needed. He gave me great advice that, like most things in improv, applies to other parts of life. 

After class, I thought about how I worried and stressed I was about receiving negative feedback and how I was completely wrong. I wasted precious time being nervous and preparing to feel dejected for no reason. And I realize now I have been expecting the worst when I enter a scene. I haven't been leading (because I will probably make a fool of myself) and I don't take chances (because my ideas are stupid). What would happen if I expect the best when I enter a scene? If nothing else, I will probably have more fun and be more relaxed. 

Our showcase is on Sunday and I am going to apply this lesson when on stage (and, you know, every day since "expecting the best" doesn't apply only to improv, duh). I am going to expect the best, expect that everything will work out perfectly, and I will trust my ideas and my ability to lead. 

Wish me luck!

Race Recap: Rite Aid Cleveland Half (5/18/14)

I have so much to update since my last post. As it turns out my bad attitude was just a bad attitude and based very little on reality. That's good because that means I can control it. 

As I mentioned last week, I was worried I was unprepared for the Cleveland half marathon. Although I had run a half in March, I took a week or two off from training due to a twisted ankle. Then I was traveling a lot and got slammed at work. Excuses, excuses – I know – but sometimes life gets in the way of a beautiful training schedule and I swear this was one of those times. 

Since I couldn't change the past, I decided to prepare for the future. I created an AMAZING playlist (amazing by my standards only) and I printed out a pace bracelet. The playlist was a big deal for me because for the past two years I have had the same boring music on my iPod and it did not pump me up to run at all. I know that most people figured this out a long time ago, but for some reason I am only now discovering what an important motivator music can be. The playlist also gave me something to look forward to – I couldn't wait to run the race for the sole purpose of listening to the perfect blend of Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Eminem, and a few Bollywood songs (like I said, this playlist was amazing by my standards only). The pace bracelet also helped me to feel like I had some control over the outcome of this race that I had so poorly prepared for. It helped me to focus on each mile I was running instead of freaking out about how many I had left.

Aside from the coolest playlist ever and my pace bracelet, the race itself was nice and uneventful. The weather was a perfect 50 degrees and sunny. The crowd, particularly near the finish line, was huge and of course everyone was friendly. I didn't have to wait long for my post-race beer – always a plus.

Most importantly though – I PRed by about a minute! I was honestly very surprised and obviously very happy. It made realize that pacing is key for me and that I can push myself more than I have been.

Post-race smiley time*

That being said, I think I am now ready for a marathon.

*Note: My running clothes are getting way too colorful. I look like a pre-teen who loves horses, the Disney Channel, and glitter.

Bad Attitude

I have a bad attitude this week and I don't know when I'll shake it. I've been feeling like I am lousy at improv and after a bad run yesterday, I don't feel too excited about running either. I know this is in my head and you can't give up when you have a bad day, but like most things, it's easier said than done.

This week in improv class I felt that I did a good job. I honestly did. During one exercise where my classmates gave me a character with specific attributes (always looking over her shoulder, wringing her hands, hair in a ballerina bun, etc.), I really held onto these attributes and had a lot of fun with this character. I said her motto was "Dance through the Nerves" and I did pirouettes and pliés whenever I was in a stressful situation, like when I suspected someone was following me. It felt easy and natural. 
But after that I started doubting myself and I shut down. I don't really know why. My heart just wasn't in the rest of the scenes.  I would've been fine to leave class right then because I decided I wasn't good at improv. 

I recognize that this is a problem – I am my harshest critic and I want to quit when I'm not perfect. I need to understand that I'll make mistakes, move forward and focus on my growth.

The following day I planned to do a 10-mile run. It was my last chance for a long run before a race this weekend. And it was a bad run, leaving me discouraged. Granted, it was hot outside (upper 80s), but it was difficult and my feet hurt and in the end I only did 7 miles. During the run I kept thinking, "Why am I doing this? Running isn't fun." Again, bad attitude. 

I don't really have a positive end to this story or some great revelation. Maybe this week is important for me to learn not to give up even when you have a bad day. Push through the bad attitude. Or maybe there is something going in my zodiac chart! I'm going to check!

Habits on Vacation

Last week my boyfriend and I went to northern California for a wedding. I was swamped with work the whole week leading up to the trip and I knew I would be the week after, so I made a point to prioritize running and meditation. I have to be honest: usually I completely abandon all healthy living on vacations. I like to overeat, oversleep, and veg out as much as possible. 

But, surprise, surprise! Sticking with my habits actually enhanced my relaxation and made me feel less stressed going into the new work week. Also, running on vacation is awesome in general because you see parts of your destination you may not otherwise. On my 8 mile run the day of the wedding, I ran to a park where I had a nice bike trail system by the river and through some small meadows. Plus I ran past a herd of sheep, which thrilled me beyond belief (I'm a knitter, so sheep and alpacas are basically my dream pets).

A View from the Bridge (on my run)

After my run, I had plenty of time to get ready for the wedding. It was a very beautiful wedding and the fact that the couple is one I really admire made it all the more enjoyable. An added plus of running before a wedding: I didn't feel the slightest bit of guilt about overindulging on champagne and cake.
I was able to make meditation a priority also, although I didn't do it every day (I cringed from shame as I wrote that). But! After going through security for our return flight, we found that SFO has a yoga/meditation room, so my boyfriend and I popped in to meditate for 10 minutes. Why doesn't every airport have this? I thought it would be difficult to meditate with the background noises of body scans, conveyor belts, and last calls for passengers, but all the activity was somehow soothing. Maybe I was just really exhausted from the weekend and needed a still moment. Regardless, it worked for me. 

In the future, I will definitely continue to prioritize my healthy habits even on vacation. Hopefully this will help avoiding the need to "reset" or decompress after a trip.